my dark place alone, 2022

pencils and markers on paper, A4

I’ve lost everything I’ve got in one moment. Moving once again alone after 7 years of immigration in one more foreign country in hard corona’s brainfog and after one week starting to work 50 hours a week with a completely empty flat and broken heart. On the other hand, I’ve achieved my long-term dream. Is it what I wanted? If I’m good enough to be a pathologist? Did I trick all these people into thinking that I’m an okayish person? There is at least one person whose place I took, and she deserved it more. There were a lot of scary thoughts, and I was completely isolated not being able to talk about what I felt. There were enough people, even friends and family to talk about everything but it seemed so useless. How can you even dare to spill this darkness into anyone’s mind? Let them choose life. Go outside. Take a breath. Take a look at this blue sky. There is hope even if you don’t feel it right now. Keep going.

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