all what remains, WS 13/14

all what remains 2013/2014, 30x24cm oil on canvas

I have never wrote anything about my first painting in oil.
Winter of 2013-2014 was challenging because I quitted medical academy in hope to get into better place. What I got were multiple months of fear that I’ll never get into med school again.

I have already left once my dreams to become a sculptor and quitted art school for pre-med school in 2007 because I needed the real work that can feed me, according to my parents. By pure luck that same year I bought a dictionary of pathology without pictures (so histology was a pleasant surprise afterwards) and I have never had a question about meaning of my life ever again.

Thus, after all what I’ve seen through being In the hospital at least once a week since that time and listening to inspiring (and sometimes bad) doctors, talking to patients, spending time in lab with my silly scientific questions, going to autopsies and doing anatomical studies – everything could become just a fever dream because I didn’t want to tolerate the abusive system.

This is about the calling.

These days I feel similar through world events and possibility that I’ll never see my family again.

Even when I feel like a living dead

scientific questions wake me up at night and help not to snap from the historical pressure

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