I’ve realised that I haven’t done any life studies for a couple of years and I also haven’t posed myself for a long time. I like the human body a lot with its whole variability and imperfections even though I don’t see my own beauty so I don’t do life studies on myself. Touch starved, I also realised that I almost can’t remember touching the skin of another person on purpose for a long long time. I can remember the last hug I got. Since I’m out of the wards, there are also no physicals on alive people anymore so it’s a terrible feeling that all people I laid my hands on last months were dead. After COVID a year ago I still can barely smell anything although before it was one of my small pleasures to recognise approaching people I know by their smell. I don’t feel that my body belongs to me. Am I a human? What are human needs? Is touch necessary?
